Almost all effort goes into choosing. Almost all of the difference is in the giving — when, where, in front of whom, and what you say while doing it.
The same object, handed over two different ways, is two different gifts.
The four decisions after you have chosen
1. When. Not the date, the moment. A gift given on a crowded day is one of many; the same gift given a week later is the only thing that happened that week.
2. Where. Alone or in front of people. This decides more than anything else on the page, and it is the one nobody thinks about.
3. What you say. One sentence, before they open it. Not an explanation, not an apology.
4. How you react to their reaction. The part nobody prepares for and the part that can undo the rest.
The rule that covers most of it
Match the ceremony to the person, not to the gift.
An expensive or elaborate object does not require a presentation. A person who dislikes being looked at does not stop disliking it because you spent more.
| They are | Give it |
|---|---|
| Comfortable being the centre of attention | At the table, in front of everyone |
| Not | Privately, before or after |
| A teenager | Privately, always |
| Someone who cries easily and hates it | Privately, and leave the room |
| A couple | To both, at once |
| Someone who has said no gifts | Very small, very quietly |
When someone has said no gifts →
What to say when you hand it over
One sentence, and not about the gift.
The instinct is to introduce it — “it’s not much”, “I hope you like it”, “I wasn’t sure what to get”. All three are apologies, and all three tell the person to lower their expectations a second before they open something.
Say something about them instead. “This is for the year you have had.” Then stop talking.
Three things that are true regardless of the gift
The note is worth more than an upgrade. Given a fixed budget, moving ₹300 from the object to nothing and spending twenty minutes writing something instead reliably produces a better gift. Handwriting is the only part of any present that could not have come from anybody else. What to write on the first page →
Later is usually better than on the day. An occasion is crowded. A gift arriving on an ordinary Tuesday is the only thing that happened that week, and it gets more attention for the same money.
Nobody is counting except you. The anxiety about whether a gift is enough is almost entirely on the giving side. People remember being thought about; they do not audit the amount. Are personalised gifts worth it? →
Every guide in this section
Before
- How to ask what someone wants without ruining it
- How to choose between two gifts
- How to keep a surprise a surprise
During
- How to present a gift on the day
- How to give something you made
- How to give a gift anonymously
- How to photograph a gift
After
The awkward ones
- How to gift someone richer than you
- How to apologise with a gift
- How to re-gift politely
- How to opt out of a gift exchange
- How to ask someone to stop giving you gifts
The two failures that outrank everything
Giving to be seen giving. A gift handed over where it will be noticed, at the moment it will be noticed, is about the giver. People can tell, and they remember which it was.
Making them perform. Watching somebody closely while they open something puts them in a position where they have to produce a reaction on demand. Look away. Hand it over and do something else with your hands.
If it is made to order
Nothing we sell arrives on a chosen date. It is 5 to 14 days from order to doorstep, 5 to 12 to Delhi NCR, dispatched every Monday — a window rather than a day.
Which means the giving is separated from the arriving, and that is usually an advantage: the parcel comes to you, and you choose the moment. Ordering for a fixed date →
What we get wrong most often, from the other side
Worth putting in a guide about giving, because we see the same three things at the order stage every week.
Ordering too late for a fixed date. An anniversary is known a year ahead and is still the occasion people order for with four days left. 5 to 14 days from order to doorstep, 5 to 12 to Delhi NCR, dispatched every Monday. Ordering for a fixed date →
Delivering a surprise to a shared address. It arrives across a window of days, and it will land on the wrong one.
Deciding the number of copies afterwards. We keep your files for seven days after dispatch and then delete them permanently, so a second copy for another household is a decision to make at the time rather than next month. A second copy for another household →
Frequently asked
What matters most when giving a gift? Where you give it and what you say — not the object. The same gift given publicly and privately is two different gifts.
What should I say when handing it over? One sentence about them. Not “it’s not much” or “I hope you like it”, which are apologies.
Should a gift be opened in front of everyone? Only if the person is comfortable being watched. For a teenager, and for anybody who dislikes attention, give it privately.
How should I react when they open it? Look away and do something with your hands. Watching closely makes them perform a reaction.
Can I have it delivered on the exact day? No. Made-to-order arrives across a window of days, which is why the parcel should come to you.
Something worth giving: All 11 keepsakes · Photo magazines from ₹499 · Print packs from ₹270