There are good reasons and bad ones, and it is worth separating them before working out how.
When it works
When knowing would create an obligation. Somebody who is struggling and would feel they have to reciprocate, or thank you at length, or explain their situation.
When you are not close enough for a gift to be normal. A neighbour, a colleague’s family, a person you barely know who is having a hard year. Anonymity removes the strangeness.
When the gift is from a group and naming one person misrepresents it.
As a deliberate game, between people who both find it funny.
When it does not
⚠️ When it is a way of avoiding a conversation.
An anonymous gift to somebody you have fallen out with, or have feelings for, or owe an apology to, is a message sent without a return address. The recipient is left holding something they cannot respond to, and that is a burden dressed as a kindness. How to apologise with a gift →
When they will work it out anyway. Half-anonymity is worse than either option — they know it was you, you know they know, and neither can mention it.
When it might frighten them. An unexplained parcel is not universally delightful. Personalised objects especially: a book of somebody’s own photographs, from nobody, is unsettling rather than lovely.
How to actually do it
Have it delivered to somebody who knows. A mutual friend, a family member, a colleague. They hand it over and say it is from somebody who would rather not say. That solves the parcel problem and removes the alarm.
Do not put a note that hints. A note that gestures at your identity without stating it is a puzzle, and puzzles demand solving.
Say why, not who. “For the year you have had” attached to a gift from nobody is warm and complete. It explains the gift without opening an investigation.
| Do | Do not |
|---|---|
| Route it through somebody who knows | Send it cold to a home address |
| Say why it is being given | Leave it entirely unexplained |
| Keep it modest | Give something expensive anonymously |
| Accept you will never know how it landed | Wait for a reaction |
Keep it small. An expensive anonymous gift is a debt somebody cannot repay to somebody they cannot identify.
The practical part
We ship to one address with a name on it, and there is no anonymous-delivery option — somebody has to receive it.
So the mechanism is always a third person. Order to their address, tell them what it is, and let them hand it over. How to keep a surprise a surprise →
Frequently asked
When is an anonymous gift a good idea? When knowing would create an obligation, or when you are not close enough for a gift to be normal.
When is it a bad idea? When it is a way of avoiding a conversation, or when they will work out it was you anyway.
How do I send one? Through a third person who knows. There is no anonymous-delivery option — somebody has to receive the parcel.
Should I leave a note? Say why, not who. A note hinting at your identity turns the gift into a puzzle.
How expensive should it be? Modest. An expensive gift from nobody is a debt that cannot be repaid.
Part of our guide to giving gifts well. See also: how to gift someone richer than you and how to keep a surprise a surprise.
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