Everybody has photographs of themselves they cannot stand, and they are frequently the ones everyone else likes best — mid-laugh, caught off guard, not arranged.
The disagreement is real and it is not resolvable by argument. It is resolvable by one question.
Who is the book for?
If the book is FOR them: their opinion wins, completely, and it is not a close call.
A book is a gift, and a gift that makes somebody wince every time they open a particular page has failed at the only thing it was for. It does not matter that you are right about the photograph.
If the book is for somebody else: yours wins, and it matters much less than it feels like it does. A person appearing in three photographs of a forty-page book about their sister is not auditing their own jawline.
| The book is for | Use |
|---|---|
| Them | Only photographs they are comfortable with |
| Their partner or parent | Your judgement. They will not mind |
| A group, and they get a copy | Their judgement for the ones of them |
| A family archive kept for decades | Your judgement, and be generous with everyone |
If you do not know what they hate
Most people do not tell you and it is not guessable — the thing somebody dislikes about a photograph of themselves is almost never the thing anybody else would notice.
Two options:
Ask, if the book is not a surprise. “Is there anything you’d rather I didn’t use?” gets a short and very specific answer.
If it is a surprise, use the photographs they have used. Whatever they have posted, sent, or set as a profile picture is a list of photographs they are comfortable with, written by them.
The bad-photo argument, honestly
There is a real case for the unflattering ones. Posed photographs age worse. In twenty years the mid-laugh, badly lit one is the one that reads as a person, and the composed one reads as a portrait of nobody in particular.
That case is strong for a family archive and weak for a present. Something being better in twenty years does not help if it is unwelcome now, and a book somebody is embarrassed by does not survive twenty years anyway.
What not to do
Do not retouch it. We do not offer it and it would not help — somebody who dislikes a photograph of themselves dislikes it more when it has been altered.
Do not use it small as a compromise. They will find it. Smaller is not a concession, it is the same photograph in a worse layout.
Do not argue at the proof stage. Revisions are included; changing it costs nothing but the conversation costs something. The design proof →
Frequently asked
Should I use a photo someone hates of themselves? Not if the book is for them. If it is for somebody else, it matters far less than it feels like.
How do I know which photos they dislike? Ask, or use the ones they have posted or sent themselves — that is a list they wrote.
Are unflattering photos better in the long run? Often, for a family archive. Less so for a gift, which has to be welcome now.
Can you retouch a photograph? No, and it would not solve this. Altered photographs of themselves are usually liked less, not more.
What if they object at the proof? Change it. Revisions are included, and it is not worth the conversation.
Part of our guide to choosing photographs. See also: group photos, and why they are hard and when someone does not want to be in it.
Revisions included: Photo magazines from ₹499 · All 11 keepsakes