How to Interview Your Parents Before Making Their Photo Book

A photo book with captions reading “Mum and Dad, 1985” is a photo album. What turns it into something people read twice is knowing what was actually happening in 1985 — and the only source for that is them.

This is a smaller job than it sounds and a much bigger one than people plan for.

Why do it before, not after

The obvious order is to make the book and then ask about the photographs. It is the wrong way round.

The stories decide which photographs matter. You will find that an ordinary picture of a scooter is the one with twenty minutes of story attached, and the formal studio portrait has none. Ask first and the edit picks itself.

There is also a harder reason. This information has a deadline that nobody announces, and families routinely discover they left it too late. That is not a reason to rush; it is a reason not to defer.

Setting it up without making it strange

The word “interview” is the problem. Do not use it.

What works: sit with the physical albums and ask about the pictures. The photographs do all the work — they supply the prompts, they give everyone something to look at instead of each other, and nobody has to perform.

• One parent at a time, if you can. Together, one of them narrates and the other agrees.
• Afternoon, not evening. Fewer interruptions and more patience.
• Record it on your phone, and say that you are. Ask once, put the phone face down, and forget about it. Secret recording is a bad idea and an obvious one when discovered.
• Do not correct them. Dates will be wrong. It does not matter, and correcting ends the flow immediately.
• Let silences run. The good answer usually arrives about four seconds after you would have jumped in.

Twenty questions that get real answers

The generic ones — “what was your childhood like” — get generic answers. Specific and sensory questions get stories.

1. What did your house smell like?
2. Who was in the house on an ordinary weekday?
3. What did you do with your own money the first time you earned any?
4. What was the first thing you bought that you were proud of?
5. Who taught you to cook the thing you cook best?
6. What did you want to be at fifteen?
7. What was the journey to school or college actually like?
8. What was playing on the radio or the television constantly?
9. When did you first meet each other, and what did you actually think?
10. Who disapproved, and did they come round?
11. What did the wedding cost, and who paid?
12. Where did you live first, and what was wrong with it?
13. What did you argue about in the first year?
14. What was the hardest year, and what got you through it?
15. What do you remember about the day I was born?
16. What did you get wrong as parents that you would do differently?
17. What is the thing about your own parents you understand only now?
18. Which of your friends do you miss?
19. What is in the house that you would grab first?
20. What do you want the grandchildren to know about you?

Fourteen and sixteen are the ones that change the book. They also need the most trust, so put them late and do not push if the answer is short.

Getting it from other people

Your parents are not the only source and are frequently not the best one.

Their siblings. Aunts and uncles hold the pre-marriage material and the stories your parents would never tell about themselves. They also enjoy being asked, which your parents may not.

Their oldest friends. Different era, different register, and completely different stories.

Each other, separately. Ask your mother about your father and your father about your mother. This produces the single best material of the whole exercise and it is the reason to interview them one at a time.

Turning talk into captions

You will end up with hours of recording and need about forty lines. That gap is normal.

Transcribe only the sentences that surprised you. Not the summary — the actual sentence, in their words, ideally with the odd phrasing left in. A caption in your parent’s own voice is worth ten written in yours.

One line per page. Specific: what, where, who, roughly when.

About four photographs fill a page. Flat ₹70 delivery anywhere in India. Planning the book itself covers the chapter structure this material goes into.

What to do with the recording afterwards

Keep it. Back it up somewhere that is not one phone.

The book uses a fraction of what you gather, and the recording is the part that becomes irreplaceable. Families who did this routinely say the audio ended up mattering more than the object it was made for.

When not to do this

When the relationship is strained. A recorded conversation about their whole life is an intimate thing to ask for. If you are not on those terms, work from photographs and relatives.

When there is a specific closed subject. Most families have one. Do not go looking for it inside a project meant as a gift.

When they are unwell. Interviewing someone who tires easily can become an ordeal presented as an honour. Twenty minutes at a time, and stop before they want to.

When it turns out you are doing it for the recording rather than for them. That is a legitimate thing to want. Just be clear which project you are on.

Timing

5 to 14 days from order to doorstep, 5 to 12 to Delhi NCR, flat ₹70 anywhere. Dispatch is weekly on Mondays. Add two to four days for design and your proof approval.

Allow three or four sittings across a few weeks for the talking, and start at least two months before you need the finished book.

Frequently asked

What questions should I ask my parents about their lives? Specific and sensory ones. “What did your house smell like” produces a story; “what was your childhood like” produces a summary.

Should I record the conversation? Yes, and tell them you are. Ask once, put the phone face down, and let it run. Keep the recording afterwards — it usually outlasts the book in value.

Should I interview both parents together? Separately, if you can. Together, one narrates and the other agrees. Asking each about the other produces the best material in the whole exercise.

How much of it ends up in the book? Very little — around forty lines from hours of talking. Transcribe only the sentences that surprised you, in their own words.

When should I do this relative to making the book? Before. The stories tell you which photographs matter, and the edit then picks itself.

Part of our guide to gifts for parents. See also: turning old family photos into an album.

Shop: Personalised gifts for parents · Photo magazines from ₹499 · Photo diaries from ₹699