A decade of somebody’s life frequently has another person in most of it. When that relationship ends, the archive does not sort itself — the good holidays, the flat, the dog, the birthdays are all still there and somebody else is in the frame.
Anyone making a book from that archive runs into it, and there is one rule that covers almost every case.
It is not your decision
Ask the person whose archive it is. Every time, without exception, and before you start.
This is the single most common way a well-meant gift goes wrong. Somebody makes a book for a friend after a separation, edits the ex out as an obvious kindness, and hands over a version of ten years with a hole in it that the recipient did not ask for.
Or the opposite: leaves them in, and the recipient opens a book they were not ready for.
Both are avoidable with one question. And it is a question with a real answer — most people know exactly what they want here.
The four answers people actually give
| They say | What it means for the book |
|---|---|
| “Leave them out entirely” | Choose from the years and events that work without them |
| “I don’t mind, they were there” | Use them where they appear naturally, unremarked |
| “Not on a full page” | Present in group and background shots, not as a subject |
| “Not yet” | Make it later, or make a different book |
All four are common. None is more mature or more healthy than the others, and there is no correct one.
When there are children
⚠️ This changes it completely.
A parent’s ex-partner is a child’s parent, and a book of a childhood with that person removed is a rewritten history the child will notice — at the time or in fifteen years.
For anything the child will see or keep, they stay in. That is not a moral position, it is practical: the alternative produces an object that cannot be given to the child, which usually defeats the purpose of having made it.
The practical problem: what is left
If the answer is “leave them out”, the honest difficulty is that the archive was not built that way. The best photograph of a trip may be the two of them; the flat only exists in photographs with both.
Three things that help:
Use the place, not the people. The room, the street, the view. Those photographs exist and nobody thinks to look for them.
Use the years around it. Before and after are often thinner but cleaner.
Widen the subject. A book about a friendship, a family, or a city has more material than a book about one decade of a life. Sorting by story rather than by date →
What we do not do
We do not remove people from photographs. That is retouching, we do not offer it, and it is visible when done to a photograph with two people in it.
Leaving a photograph out is the mechanism, not altering it.
Frequently asked
Should I remove an ex from a photo book? Ask the person the book is for. Most people know exactly what they want, and guessing goes wrong in both directions.
What if there are children? Then they stay in for anything the child will see. A childhood with a parent edited out is a history the child will notice.
Can you edit someone out of a photograph? No. We do not retouch, and it is visible when it is done. Leaving the photograph out is the option.
What if most of the good photos have them in? Use the places rather than the people, and widen the subject — a book about a city or a friendship has more material than one decade of a relationship.
Is it wrong to leave them in? No. Plenty of people are comfortable with it, and the years were the years. Ask.
Part of our guide to choosing photographs. See also: gifts for someone starting over and what to leave out, deliberately.
Ask first, then order: Photo magazines from ₹499 · All 11 keepsakes